Why Did the Chicken Cross The Road?

The below is from http://philosophy.eserver.org/chicken.txt:

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is theprincely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discoveredwithin the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even whilebelieving these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attemptsuch an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Othello: Jealousy.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Mrs Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Constable: To get a better view.
_______________
What follows is what I've come up with, with marginal success:

Bruce Springsteen: Because it was born to run.

Woody Guthrie: Because this land is my land, this land is your land.

Larry Birkhead: To get away from Virgie Arthur.

Britney Spears: Because it was the worst mistake of my life, but thank you for my babies.

Janice Dickinson: Because it was fat.

Paris Hilton: (mumbling,) Firecrotch, firecrotch, firecrotch.

Beyonce: Because it was crazy in love.

Lindsay Lohan: Because it was crazy.

Donald Trump: To get away from Rosie O'Donnell

George Bush: What?

Will Ferrell: Shake n' bake

Stephen Colbert: Because I was on the other side, and who wouldn't want to come closer to me?

Amy Sedaris: Cheeseball.

Now let's see what you come up with....

Tagged!

So I guess I've been tagged to play this little game...

The rules are, once you've been tagged, you have to blog with 10 weird random things, facts or habits about yourself. At the end, you choose 10 people to be tagged. Here goes, 10 random 'facts':

1) It is a goal of mine to go to each of the 50 states, and all the continents at least once. So far I've been to 30 states and only two continents.
2) I love cheese, with the exception of swiss and gouda.
3) My family and I make our own wine, both red and white, each Fall.
4) The first websites I like to go to in the morning, after email, are: CNN, Slate, DListed, and Serious Eats.
5) The Oscars are my Superbowl.
6) In high school I wrote my thesis comparing the Feminine Mystique to Betty Friedan's later works.
7) I've lived in three separate apartments during the past year.
8) I am allergic to most cats, mold, and ceclor (antibiotic).
9) When I was little I once had a temperature of 106, and a nurse had to put me on ice, literally.
10) I've been to Disney World 16 times.

this is amazingly fun.

I love love love me my Will Ferrell, and I'd see just about any movie he ever touched at this point. I know that his comedies tend to be a little fomulaic, but it's a formula that works beautifully. I wanted to share with you College Humor's hilarious "Will Ferrell Movie Generator"- it basically throws in the usual suspects, a funny occupation and name, and a lesson learned. It just requires you to click the link and you'll appreciate it if you have ever seen a movie of Will Ferrell's and enjoyed it.

Here's the link: http://www.collegehumor.com/willferrell

And here's what the generator generated for me:

Will Ferrell plays Dick Reich, an egotistical, obnoxious bocce player at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by Christopher Walken, seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. Dick Reich's excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows, Praise Donald Sutherland. My gearbox is a slamming yacht!After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by Owen Wilson and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship.
Estimated Opening Weekend Box Office Returns: $42.0 million

Keep On Keeping On

Our futures are individually paved by the steady stream of thoughts we set forth. We are literally creating our future life as we direct our thoughts of this moment into the future.

-Abraham Hicks

Peeps Passover Showcase

In celebration of the holidays, go to the link below if you are interested in any of the following subjects: Judiasm, Easter, Pop Art, Peeps, Diaramas, Funny things, pretty colors, food coloring, things you probably haven't seen before, Eqyptian-Israeli history, sugar, little objects, or interesting captions.

http://flickr.com/photos/17025280@N00/sets/72157600038845249/detail/

Movin' On Up

The hunt for a new apartment has taken over six months, but now it's over. Not only have I found a new place to call home, but I also moved on in this weekend. And I'm exhausted. I wasn't exactly the well-oiled moving machine I normally strive to be, and I was still packing about an hour before the movers came. Good thing they were late. I started packing my stuff away about two weeks before the move, but I wasn't as organized as I should have been. Free time has been at a premium, and I just didn't have the energy to throw myself into an organized move. Thus, now I pay the price as the entire dining room is still full of boxes.

I'm about 1/4 of the way unpacked (if that, really). Right about now it seems like a good idea to just start throwing my stuff out the window never to be seen again. I tried consolidating my stuff and giving stuff away before I moved, but all I ended up getting rid of was 1 chair, two garbage bags full of clothing and kitchen gear, and other random crap. I'm over it. I love my plethora of kitchen tools and rain boots and easter bunny candles, but if they are still packed at this point then I know I can live without them. Who knew I had so much stuff. I have so much stuff. It is ridiculous. I should open a store in my dining room. It'll be like BJs, just come and take the goods right out of the boxes.

I feel badly for the new roommates. I mean, this is going to take a few weeks. They seem pretty understanding about it in a way that makes me feel like a bad person, because I know I'd be annoyed if my roommate did this. Hell, I'm annoyed at myself for the boxes. But, I'm not a machine, and after working and sleeping there are only a few spare hours left to tackle this cardboard jungle. Plus, this weekend is Easter, so there's no unpacking this weekend. Anyone interested in three separate versions of Trivial Pursuit?

Despite the fact that I sigh everytime I think about the move, my new place is nice. Really nice. First of all, my roommates are very accomodating. As it turns out, what I look for in roommates is the name "Beth". All of my shared apartments in the past have involved a Beth, and this one is no different. The only thing that is different is that this a new Beth. Secondly, as I mentioned- the dining room. I have a dining room. I've never had a dining room before. Also new to me in this apartment: in-unit laundry. FREE. LAUNDRY. The joys of separating lights from darks can be mine again. Last selling point on the apartment: geothermal heating system. I don't really know what that means, but I think it is pretty cool.